I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
