maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
