I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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