sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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