Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
