If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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