Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I will die if light touches me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
