Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
