theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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