we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
