brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
