so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
