thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
