ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
