Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
