i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
