My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have post one night stand depression
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