You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
