Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
