Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize