i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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