You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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