Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
