hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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