Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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