wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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