I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
