we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
