It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
