This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
