just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
