They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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