We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
