And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
