I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
