It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
