C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
