I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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