I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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