he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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