So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
