I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
