I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
