we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
