You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
