I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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