i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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