I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
