You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
