He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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