That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
