i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am midnight drunk by noon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
