I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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