Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize