can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
