Ambien. No doubt about it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize