Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
