I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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