the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
