call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
