i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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