i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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