i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
