Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
