Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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