Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
