Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.

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(631): View more from New York

I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(915): View more from Texas

when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up

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(310): View more from California

Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

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(904): View more from Florida

Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.

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