Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize