I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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