But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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