I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
