elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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