I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
