we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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