i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize