my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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