your room smells of hookers.
And success
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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