Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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