so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
