How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
