dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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