You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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