I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize