I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize