Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
