He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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