Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize