he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
