Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
