All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize