You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
