is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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