The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
