He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
