yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
