$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
