just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize