i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even my farts smell like vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
