the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
