I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
