I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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