a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
