Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
