Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
