i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
