bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
