I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
