Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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