I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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