Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
